conflict over mooches (BookMooch Discussion)

Forum: BookMooch Discussion

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conflict over mooches

I've always found everyone on here really lovely, but a recent experience has left me concerned. i'd like other moochers input on what SHOULD have happened.
I do not want to share the details but I am not often on my PC anymore, so while I see and respond to messages I do not always do 'admin' such as marking books sent promptly. I thought that taking the time to send the book was more important than taking the time to mark it sent.

I had a request from someone who is moving and wanted me to send the book quickly. I accepted the mooch that day saying I would send the book the following day.
I didn't mark it as sent once I posted it adn I didn't email her to say it had gone.
The next thing I know she has cancelled the request, and left negative feedback. She did not communicate or ask me if I had sent the book as I said I would.
I was very abrupt in my email to her because I am short on time, adn was very upset to be treated like that.
She changed her feedback to neutral but left a sarcastic/snarky comment instead about me.

Was I unreasonable to not make it sent or email her? I thought the action of sending it was more important, but it seems she expected me to confirm it was sent, as well as confirm that i would send it.

Was I unreasonable to expect her to communicate before cancelling the trade, given how much hastle it si to rearrange the trade?

I've had to reject a request for it because it went back on my shelf, and someone else requested it. Do they get a chance to leave negative feedback too now?

(I've put it back on my shelf, but reserved it for the lady I sent it to)

What do we do if the book arrives after she has moved (France to America) or is returned to me?

TBH I have a lot on in my life that I don't want to share with random strangers on trading sites, and I feel very put off by the way this moocher has behaved.

Please restore my faith in this site as I have alot of credits and don't want to give up on it, but don't have the time or energy for dealing with this kind of thing.

Suedo
12 years ago

Comments

While the abruptness with which the exchange was apparently conducted on both sides is regrettable, how was the person supposed to be sure the book would be/had been sent to them in a timely manner as their move required, if you did not use the site's "sent" feature or external email to let them know ?

If the person ensured forwarding of their mail the book should reach them eventually, with an initial timestamp to prove your good faith at which point they'll hopefully remooch the book from you or smooch you the point.

Your best bet in the future would be to remember marking sent, I usually do so when leaving for the post office, or leaving for the day if there's a stop at the PO planned somewhere along the way.

Aude
12 years ago

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I don't really think the moocher did anything wrong here. Leaving a snarky comment may have been unnecessary, but you did mention that you were rather abrupt in an email to her as well. You say that you thought sending the book was more important than marking it sent, but to a moocher there is no way of knowing that a book is sent unless you mark it as such. From the moocher's point of view, you promised to send a book quickly, and then didn't do it (for moocher, not marked as sent = not sent), so she canceled the mooch. You feel that she should have communicated with you first, but you yourself could not find the time to communicate that you had sent the book (which is part of the standard routine of bookmooch). I'm not trying to make you feel bad here, but you asked for opinions on what SHOULD have happened, and I really don't think you can expect a moocher to realize that you have sent a book if you don't mark it as sent.

AlineM
12 years ago

I'm afraid I have to agree with the other comments. I looked at your bio where you have clearly tried to explain your situation but I feel that there is a contradiction - you say you are unable to access a computer regularly and that moochers should not regard this as inactivity on your part but then ask members to communicate with you regarding queries over mooches. As all communication is via email I'm afraid that members will assume that mooches aren't happening if they don't get replies or updates. I sympathise with your situation but feel that with the way Bookmooch works you are in a no-win situation if you can't keep your mooch pending/sent updated.

donna
12 years ago

I am sorry that your life right now is making it difficult for you to participate in Bookmooch the way you would like. Unfortunately, if a book is not marked sent a moocher can cancel and there is little that can be done about it (other than what you did: reserve it for the moocher and hope they remooch it). I suggest you either put yourself on vacation or empty your inventory until such a time when your life settles down and you can more reliably get to a computer. Bookmooch is an *online* book trading site afterall.

Cara
12 years ago

A side note about marking books sent: there's no official rule about when a book can be marked sent, just general guidelines of good sense and fairness. When I know I won't necessarily be able to get back to my computer right away, I often mark books mailed as I package them up, because I know I will be going to the post office asap (usually that day or possibly the next). As long as you don't abuse this and wait for weeks after marking something mailed to actually mail it, I think you are fine marking it mailed before it is literally in the hands of the mail person. (This is merely my personal opinion, but I know from previous forum discussions that I'm not the only one who does things this way.)

LauraTS
12 years ago